Elderly Dookie

"Old people are so concerned about their bowel movements.  It's like, the second they get the trots they think that they are going to die or something."  Scooms

Religion Faux Pas

"Hello everyone, my name is Mo.  Does anyone know what Mo is short for?"  Mo

"Moses?"  Scooms

"Um....no."  Mo

"Mohammad?"  RM

"That's it!  It's short for Mohammad."  Mo

"Oops, wrong religion."  Scooms

Wedding Etiquette

"People are so friggin' cheap.  It's like, 'hey, come to my wedding.  Buy me expensive gifts and I'll feed you fritos and salsa.'"  Scooms

Geriatric Outing

"I'm pretty sure we were the only two people in that theater under the age of 60."  Caboose

"Yeah, that seems about right."  CC

"I mean seriously, there is probably a shuttle that brings them from the nearby nursing home."  Caboose

Taylor Swift

"I really hope we don't see any students at this concert."  CC

"Well if we do, I'll simply look at them and say, 'nice boots sweetie, where's your straw hat?'"  Beans

Wounding Words

"Let me ask you a question:  Why do fat girls wear shirts that say 'squeeze me' on them?  I mean seriously, what is that about?  It's like adding salt to the wound!"  Scooms

Hoagies, Grinders, and Dogs

"Do you realize that your new dog is literally the size of a footlong sub?"  CC

Fecal Matter

"I can tell you lots of interesting things about poop."  Beetle

New Experiences

"I've never used hand dryers like that before.  I felt like my hands were in a car wash."  DR

Sweepstakes

"Here's a question:  Do people actually get into the story lines of these M&M characters?  I mean, seriously?  Do people actually get online and vote for which color they like best?"  Dee

"I guess they must, cause they keep doing this."  CC

"Whatever happened to 'melts in your mouth, not in your hand'?"  Dee

Fascists

"Benito Mussolini was the Fascist Dictator of Italy during World War Two.  Does anyone know what a Fascist is?  Anyone want to guess?"  CC

"Someone who likes fashion?"  MF

Eyelids

"CC, look at what JW is doing with his eyes."  RS

"Eww...gross.  JW!  Why do you have friends?"  CC

Tourettes

"JW, what's goin' on?  You okay?"  CC

"Yeah, sorry.  I just got mad at this piece of paper."  JW

"Mhmm...I see.  For a second there, I thought you had Tourettes."  CC

Muppets

"Oh my gosh.  What is that Joker doing?"  CC

"I think the feminine clapping was a bit much..........we are like those old guys from The Muppets".  DS

Nostalgia

"No Dice".  CC

Creation

"He composed "The Four Seasons" in 1723."  Alex Trebek

"Who is God?"  CC

Too Much Information

"CC, do you mind if I get a tissue?"  Duffy

"I do not mind, Duffy."  CC

"Thank you CC.  My nose has been kind of out of control lately..."  Duffy

"TMI, Duffy.  T. M. I."  CC

Thankfulness

"Ugh.  I hate my phone."  Unags

"You should be thankful for your phone.  Some kids in India don't have cell phones."  CC

Prayer Requests

"Don't worry M&M, I'll pray for you.  Dear Lord, I pray that you will make M&M feel better so that she will be bright and alive."  Manny

"As opposed to dark and dead."  CC

Religious Profiling

"Look Jehovah's Witness!  Oh, nope...just a nerd on a bike."  CC